I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize