He asked me if I "almost moaned"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
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I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
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Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just gargled with NyQuil
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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