I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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