also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
