Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
