i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
