Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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