are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
