i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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