I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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