You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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