I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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