Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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