...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
