scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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