I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
