I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just invented taco cereal.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
