mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
