ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
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You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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