She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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