If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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