Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
that is very illegal...i love you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
