I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
