I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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