I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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