I can text with my tongue
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
