he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
