well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
