Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
