When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
