he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
