tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
