White coat. Heels.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
