What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
