Say something about gay babies.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
