Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I think I won the penis lottery.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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