You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Every concussion has its silver lining
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
