my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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