We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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