So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
