Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
