Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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