She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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