i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
