roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
