I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
