matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
