just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
