so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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