I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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