OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
