What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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