she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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