I CAN MOONWALK!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
