so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
