break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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