Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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