Well apparently he's into motor boating.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
