I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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