Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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