i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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