So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
