why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize